Post by sapphiresmoke on Mar 1, 2008 0:23:11 GMT -5
I'm not feeling so great about my writing lately. I know this is going to sound like I'm searching for compliments, but I'm really not.
I was nominated for a writing contest for juniors in high school by my English teacher. I just finished my entry and gave it to him to edit. I don't think he liked it.
In truth, I have pretty low self-esteem when it comes to writing. There are times when I'm okay, times I'm even great, but there are also times when I think I'll never amount to anything, when I think there's no point in writing anymore because my dream of being published will never come true. No matter how many contests I win, no matter how many people tell me they like my writing, the fear that I'm not really any good is always there.
Comments about my writing that aren't positive (like suggestions to fix something) always hurt, some more than others. I've learned to take it, because I know people are only trying to help. I don't mind the little things anymore. But when I gave this contest entry to my teacher, it felt like he ripped it apart. There wasn't a single positive comment on it, only things that I should change. Usually, he'll put something positive on it, or at least tell me when he gives something back that it was good. This time, nothing. My favorite part of the entry, the end, he might as well have torn up and thrown in the trash. He said it was cliche and predictable, and that REALLY hurt. I know it shouldn't have. I know he was only trying to help. But it still hurt, more than a comment about my writing has for a long time. I could change it, but I LIKE it. It's the best part of the piece, in my mind. I can't see it as cliche or predictable because it's NOT for me... I killed the main character, which I NEVER do. I thought up the entire story around the ending. I don't know what to do - should I change it and make it "better," or should I just leave it and risk the judges of the contest thinking the same as my teacher? I really want to win the contest, even though I know I probably won't.
...Now I'm crying. I knew I shouldn't have written this. I know it shouldn't be that hard for me, but writing is so important to me! If I can't succeed in writing, I'll never succeed in anything, because writing is the only thing that ANYONE has told me I'm REALLY good at!
The thing is, no one is even going to read this. No one ever reads the topics that I start on the forum unless I ask them to, which I rarely do. It makes me feel like I'm searching for attention. I joined this club, and agreed to help run it, so that I could be critiqued, but no one seems to want to read what I write. That isn't helping the whole self-esteem thing. Now I really sound like I'm looking for attention, but the fact is, this is really the way I feel.
I was nominated for a writing contest for juniors in high school by my English teacher. I just finished my entry and gave it to him to edit. I don't think he liked it.
In truth, I have pretty low self-esteem when it comes to writing. There are times when I'm okay, times I'm even great, but there are also times when I think I'll never amount to anything, when I think there's no point in writing anymore because my dream of being published will never come true. No matter how many contests I win, no matter how many people tell me they like my writing, the fear that I'm not really any good is always there.
Comments about my writing that aren't positive (like suggestions to fix something) always hurt, some more than others. I've learned to take it, because I know people are only trying to help. I don't mind the little things anymore. But when I gave this contest entry to my teacher, it felt like he ripped it apart. There wasn't a single positive comment on it, only things that I should change. Usually, he'll put something positive on it, or at least tell me when he gives something back that it was good. This time, nothing. My favorite part of the entry, the end, he might as well have torn up and thrown in the trash. He said it was cliche and predictable, and that REALLY hurt. I know it shouldn't have. I know he was only trying to help. But it still hurt, more than a comment about my writing has for a long time. I could change it, but I LIKE it. It's the best part of the piece, in my mind. I can't see it as cliche or predictable because it's NOT for me... I killed the main character, which I NEVER do. I thought up the entire story around the ending. I don't know what to do - should I change it and make it "better," or should I just leave it and risk the judges of the contest thinking the same as my teacher? I really want to win the contest, even though I know I probably won't.
...Now I'm crying. I knew I shouldn't have written this. I know it shouldn't be that hard for me, but writing is so important to me! If I can't succeed in writing, I'll never succeed in anything, because writing is the only thing that ANYONE has told me I'm REALLY good at!
The thing is, no one is even going to read this. No one ever reads the topics that I start on the forum unless I ask them to, which I rarely do. It makes me feel like I'm searching for attention. I joined this club, and agreed to help run it, so that I could be critiqued, but no one seems to want to read what I write. That isn't helping the whole self-esteem thing. Now I really sound like I'm looking for attention, but the fact is, this is really the way I feel.
