Your Thoughts about... (mature content)

[~Beauty~]

I was thinking about starting a new short story based on a girl who gets raped. I know rape is a very touchy subject, and it will be done tasteful, i assure you. But this got me thinking, what are your thoughts about rape, or sex? Your emotions or experiences that you might not mind sharing. Here on some of my thoughts on the subject:

I believe there is sex, rape, and something in between.

In proper form sex is a manifestation of love and affection.

Rape is an act of violence. It sickens me badly. It could feature one sided love at times, the rapist could be demented enough to believe what they are doing is not wrong. Or, it could just be a random act of violence. I also believe that sex when one person is under any kind of influence is rape. If you want a good example of a rape case, read Laurie Halse Anderson’s, Speak. Or watch the movie. Both are fantastic.

Now for the in between. My example would be my novel Charlotte (for those who have not read it, sorry, it is no longer posted. Just the comments are). Charlotte had to be convinced. She did not want to, but Johnathon threatened her emotions. Made her emotionally hurt so she would cling to him and have sex. For example, the classic, “if you love me, you will do this for me.” Is it rape, no not exactly, she is willing. But is it an act of love? No not that either, Charlotte was not ready, nor did she want to. Convinced is a word that should never be associated with sex. If you must be convinced, you are not ready. This “in between” is also why, eventually, the couples act either goes towards the proper form of sex, or the girl cries rape. After a brutal break up, the girl could actually mentally believe she was raped because her first initial reaction was “no”.

So ladies and gentleman ask yourself this: Do you need to convince someone? Is someone trying to convince you? If the answer is yes, you should wait before having sex. You are not ready. These are my beliefs and ideas. Feel free to add, agree, or disagree. I’m interested in you guys’ thoughts.

[sapphiresmoke]

You've pretty much said it all, Beauty. I will only add that, in my personal belief, sex should be saved for marriage. Even if I wasn't religious, I believe I would think that. It goes too deep, it's too personal, to risk it with someone who might not be there forever. I know some marriages don't last, but no one gets married without expecting it to last.

I've read Speak... It was a very good book, but it was very sad.

[~Beauty~]

Yes I believe the same thing, though right now my bf is making it quite difficult for me lol. But i plan on saving myself, that is my goal. I do know that things can get carried away though, and if you are planning on not following through in a moment of lust, then you should tell your bf/gf before hand so they wont get too disappointed. And always have a plan.

On the other hand, if you do not believe in this, it's fine too. But i do suggest making sure you are in love, and waiting at the very least six month. That way you have a steady foundation laid out.

[Genesis]

I do agree with you sapphire, wait till marriage, there is much less potential for harm and heartache. I also believe that it is WAY to intimate for anything casual, or if you don't really know the person very well. Marriage only in my opinion.

Another thing is divorce. Nowdays it doesn't seem like people need a good excuse. If you got problems, work them out and spend sometime away from eachother if need be, whether for a few weeks or months to see how much you really need eachother. If strong abuse is common throughout though, or if adultery is an issue, maybe it is best to let go.

[sapphiresmoke]

You're right, Genesis... Divorce is a major issue. It's like marriage is being reduced to less than it should be. People either aren't willing to work it out or get married way too early. But in some cases, divorce is the only way to save the people involved.

[~Beauty~]

Yes I can definitely agree with that. People seem to be in such a rush to get married. It's ridiculous. I've been with my boyfriend in three months and it freaks me out to hear of people getting engaged at six!

[sapphiresmoke]

I know... I can't imagine getting engaged after less than a year. I'm fine with people getting married young (my brother is only 22, and he's married), but how can you marry a person after only being with them for a few months? It's a scary thought, to me. My brother and his wife dated for almost six years before they married.

[~Beauty~]

My sister is getting married this month and she is 21. Her and her guy have been dating for about 4 years.

I always had a question though. My mom always told me to date around and not stick with people for too long, don't marry the first person you date. But, idk, if I don't see an excuse to break up with someone, Im not going to. I mean, I get what she is saying, but I don't want to ruin a good relationship for the sake of dating around. I don't get that.

[sapphiresmoke]

I'm the same way, Beauty. To be honest, I can see myself marrying the first person I really date (I don't count anything that doesn't go past one or two dates). I'm so picky about who I date in the first place, the guy I marry might be the first one to actually get me to stick with him, lol... My brother's wife never dated anyone else, and they're just perfect for each other. It wouldn't make sense for them to have dated other people. They wouldn't have been happy.

I think it really depends on the person. "Flightier" people who think they're in love with a different person each week should definitely date around before marrying. More "serious" people who tend to know when their feelings are really real can get away with only dating one person.

[~Beauty~]

Yeah my sister was a flighty person and she dated alot, but I'm like you, a guy that can put up with me for at least a week is someone to keep around for awhile. Like im not going to say the guy I've been dating is someone I want to be with forever, our relationship is still young. But I can see ourselves still going out a year from now. We have a good thing. I've always been really sure and calculated about relationships. I don't like rushing things.

[sapphiresmoke]

Same here. I've never dated a guy for more than a week. Maybe I just haven't met the right guy yet, maybe I'm just not ready. I'll know when the right guy comes along, and I can see myself marrying him. After a few years, lol.

[Endovia]

I agree with what was previously stated.

Beauty, I think what your mom meant by that was don't limit yourself to just one person. If you date someone and it sticks great, but he's not the only man in the world so don't think that's your only chance or whatever because it's not, there are always other people.

[Axle]

I agree with you peoples, sex should be something that is saved until one is already married. My mum and father weren't and he decided that he didn't want me. For fifteen years I never once saw him, until he decided I would be a good investment. (I'm heavily into the Irish music scene along with my grandfather, uncle, and sister. I also do semi-professional theatre.) Once he saw the dollar signs he decided that he wanted a daughter again. I told him to shove it and I haven't spoken to him in four years. Men who want sex before commitment are dogs... no that's insulting to dogs.

I'll admit I have more than one boyfriend, (Long term boyfriends). I always say that until there is a ring on my finger I belong to no one. One I've dated for nearly three years, another a year and a half, and the last six months. I'm honestly in love with every single on of 'em, but none of them are right for me. And yes they all know about one another, and two of the three are friends. The last one, the six-monther isn't so keen on being boyfriend #3, but either he'll get over it or he'll leave. I've actually been on a date with the two longest running guys at once. As for those less than a week guys, I tend to lose count. I'm not a 'loose woman' but I do enjoy a good Irish boy for dinner and a film. I don't even kiss any of 'em accept for the longest running Erynn.

[sapphiresmoke]

I think that's actually a good way to do it, Axle. It might not be what happens for me, but it works for you. Dating more people gives you a chance to know just what you can't accept in the long-term and what you do want. Really, it just depends on the person. You have to do what's right for you.

[CJL_Forever (aka Sini)]

Hey, I know this is really late, but I was bored and just scanning through the boards and saw this thread. I agree with some of the points, but not all. The point I definatly agree on, is that here's no point dating around if you are perfectly happy. My baby sadly has had a couple of bad relationships, (I won't go into detail of course, suffice to say, he didn't have a very good time) and has lost a lot of confidence because of them. Eveyone who knew him during his last relationship constantly tells me how different he is now and how completely happy he is with me. He's my first boyfriend. I never dated for the sake of dating, cos I wanted someone who loved me the way I am, and for who I am. And he does. He's the first guy who's ever truely seen me, you know? Everyone else just glanced once and looked away, but he looked, and he saw. He walked for three hours from his house to mine, with two of our friends, just to ask me out! Now that's serious! lol! To me, he is utterly perfect, and I don't see the point in ruining what we have just to 'test the waters'. We have so much in common, but not so much that our relationship is boring. We have our differences, and we playfully bicker about them all the time. We can be totally serious one moment; talking about music, mythology, religion etc, and the next we can be play fighting and tickling each other. We've been together for almost 8 months now, and we haven't had a single argument. So obviously we work perfectly together. Why would I give that up for nothing? I can't see how I could find a better relationship. My parents say I shouldn't get too serious too soon, and I understand their worries, but I'm not a child. I don't want to get engaged until we live together, and that won't be for at least two years yet, so it's not exactly rushing is it?
We're both happier than we have ever been. He's my best friend. *shrug* What more could I want?

Of course, all that said, no one can predict what the future holds, and if we don't last, then we obviously aren't meant to be, but I know for a fact that both of us will do all we can to make it work, as neither of us want to lose what we have. And that's what a real relationship is for me. It's about working for it. If you don't work and want to make it last, then what is the point?